19
MARCH 2023
Happiness
Spirituality
Wisdom Healing Qigong
Being Happy For No Reason
The past three years for me have been among the most intense of my life. I like to keep my own counsel when it comes to my stories. Too many times a person can become her story to others who often project worry instead of holding the vision of wellness for her. I will, however, share some of my challenges here. Due to the Covid pandemic, plus physical issues — four eye surgeries among them, along with fear, anxiety, depression, and unexpectedly having to care for my long time ex-husband through his illness and death including settling the enormous mess of his affairs, I felt parts of me slowly slipping away.
At the time, I also had to retire many of my “identities” — part-time hair stylist, website designer, jewelry designer, relatively social being, and I was left with not knowing who I was, or what I wanted my life to become going forward, which at the time looked like it was heading down a dead end road. In truth, I felt such deep loneliness and loss of hope that I didn’t even know if I wanted to stay alive in a body in this insane time on an insane planet. And because you get what you focus upon whether you like it or not, my lower vibrational energy manifested the reflection of my body having difficulty “moving forward” — hip, knee, ankle, and foot issues.
The biggest thing that helped was my Wisdom Healing Qigong practice, which I’ve now been doing for almost seven years. (see Challenge, Choice, and Chi) Even through the physical and emotional challenges, I didn’t give up doing practice. It was my Lightline through the murkiest tunnels of despair.
Eventually, I added craniosacral therapy, and several “channeled” conversations with non-physical guides, Angelics, and other Beings of Light that I affectionately call The Dead Guys, who offered a larger perspective from which to explore my experiences.
Eventually, like a lotus flower, I rose from the muck, and I began to contemplate who I wanted to become, what brought me joy, what made me happy. I honestly didn’t know. All I did know was that it was an inside job, that it was about learning how to be happy for no outside reason. This is at the heart of spiritual practice. Big T Truth is within. And everything we’re looking for, especially happiness, is within. Spiritual journeyers search for it. Psychologists counsel it. Books have been written about it. Quantum healing therapies espouse it. Buddhism teaches it. Taoist traditions embrace it. And, it is the ultimate path to wellbeing for practitioners of Wisdom Healing Qigong.
As the Dalai Lama has said, “Happiness is the highest form of health.”
In a series of live and online retreats last fall, my teacher, Mingtong Gu, offered a difficult observation in a way I found obvious, yet profound. I had not heard it put so simply and clearly, and yet hearing Mingtong condense it into an irreducible truth was a little disconcerting. He said that these are the most personal challenges for every human:
1. The busy mind
2. The discomfort of the body
3. The complexity of desire, or the gap between desire and fulfillment of that desire
I’d certainly experienced the truth of this in my life, but I had practiced enough to know there was a path through, a way to heal despite these human challenges, and it had everything to do with feeling what was happening within my body, unconditionally accepting “what is” on all levels of my experience, activating the always available healing energy through movement, sound, meditation, and visualization practice, and appreciating everything. I knew that the only way out was within.
With a new commitment, that is what I did, and over many months, my energy began to feel lighter and freer. I’d have fifteen minutes of not crying. Then half an hour. Then half a day. Then whole days of actually finding things to smile about. When I dipped in between, I’d remind myself to remember the uplifting half hour, or hour, or day. Everything is always changing, I told myself. Things are shifting, I told myself. There’s always a choice, I remembered. You’re doing great, I said. Out loud. In the mirror. While I was washing dishes, doing laundry, driving. I love you, I told my body. I feel you, I said, hugging myself. I appreciate you. Thank you thank you thank you, I chanted.
But it wasn’t until the early days of February that I sensed the largest shift. I awoke one morning and felt as if a huge boulder had been lifted off me. For one thing, my Muses, gone for ten years, had returned from Bora Bora. Well, they weren’t exactly my old Muses, but new muses that had arrived. Either way, I was finally receiving the writing inspiration I had been praying for, and found myself heading for the keyboard with an urgency I hadn’t felt in decades. Writing frenzy, I used to call it.
The first thing I did was resurrect this blog, a long time unfulfilled intention. (see A Resurrection Of Words) And I also began to receive intuitive insight into certain situations I had struggled with. But most of all, I suddenly wanted to be alive, in this seventy-six year old body with all its challenges, moving forward into the bright future I was ready to create. And the first thing I wanted to discover was what within me brings me joy, what within me makes my spirit soar. I wanted to heal my body and my heart. I wanted to discover how to be happy for no reason.
I asked my Big Heart to show me, and I began again noticing the birdsong I loved — Carolina wrens, chickadees, cardinals. I sat down at the piano (no I can’t really play) for the first time since before the pandemic began. I danced joyfully around the living room as best I could despite what my body was doing, to my favorite Stan Getz/João Gilberto bossa nova music.
I started cleaning out cabinets and closets making room for the new. I called my cousin Evan, and asked him if he’d send me a painting of his that I loved, one he’d never wanted to sell. He knew the exact one, and said that he’d send it, that it should be mine.
The Land by Evan Obrentz
It’s now the middle of March, and although life still presents its ups and downs, I feel I’m heading in a new direction. And in my Big Heart I also feel that something unprecedented is about to happen on this planet, that a new Light is becoming available, allowing a leap in consciousness that has never before been possible. Perhaps beings may eventually even be able to evolve beyond what Mingtong explains as the three most personal human challenges. May we all shine on. Haola!
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I especially appreciated the way you described the wisdom healing qi gong path. Not easy! I am always struggling to put into words how and why I find this path so meaningful, and you really did it. I’m sorry for all the hardship you suffered recently, the physical challenges and the losses. I feel solidarity with you with the days and hours of crying, and the surprise and delight of finding at first a few minutes and then longer. Periods, when the grief is not there in the same way. Thank you so much for your authenticity! I look forward to reading more as you go along.
Thanks so much for reading, Sara. I’m glad you found something meaningful. From what you’ve shared, I know that you, too, have your challenges. Life is quite a journey, isn’t it? Sending you big HAOLAs.
Your writing is So moving. I remember Mingtong saying this. Thank you for the reminder. Keep coming back to the body. I think the hardest part is acceptance of what is. Acceptance beyond the story. From there we can grow, explore and yes be happy
Thank you for visiting, Doreen. Yes, acceptance of what is when we want something different is the big challenge, and yet acceptance of what is is the only way to transform it, no? It’s a paradox! Haola!
I so love the painting as well 🙂
Me, too. It was inspired by my cousin Evan’s one visit here to Asheville NC decades ago. He painted it when he got home. He marked it as SOLD on his website, because it was special to him, too. Thinking of it always made me happy, and when he agreed to send it to me, it was the perfect time. It’s 3′ x 4′ and I’m looking at it right now hanging on the wall in front of my desk. He hasn’t painted for years now, but you can see more of his work on his website: obrentz.com
I echoed what Shelley expressed, particularly about your openness, genuineness & transparency in sharing your deepest, inner journey… I am with you in spirit… along our individual & collective healing & spiritual paths… Your intention resonates with me; I am also “paying attention to what brings me JOY and aspires to embody it in all levels of my being.” Let’s keep on keeping on, in gentle, kind, playful, joyful & creative ways… Haola…
Thank you for your much appreciated comments, and for all that you Be, Panadda. I’ve been continually inspired by everything you’ve been sharing recently about your own journey. It’s a challenge to stay above the fray these days, but we’re on it. Haola!
Thank you for sharing dear sister. It warmed my heart to know that you are moving through that dark place…. So glad you are writing again! ❤️❤️
Thank you for reading and appreciating what I had to say, my sister. In a way, it was difficult to share it particularly with you. We’re not always on the same page. But I know, beneath it all, we’re connected in the Big Heart. 💕🕊
This piece resonated with me deeply. You have somehow found a way to express the complexity of a spiritual life…….with authenticity and color and I loved the way you took us on the journey of your experience as it unfolded. Although the journey was unique to you…..the realizations are somehow Universal. How beautiful to accept what was happening and realize that the way out of the situation was to go through it from ‘within’, with an open heart. Thank you for your transparency. It was beautiful…….and helped me want to find my own happiness! The painting is amazing…..I can hear the birds singing……and Haola for the coming light!
Thank you, dear Shelley, for your generous and heart felt words. You always seem to understand. Love and Haola!